Am I in the Closet? Why You Feel Weird When Others Come Out

Wondering “am I in the closet?” This reflective guide explores signs you might be closeted, why other people’s coming out stories trigger you, and how to gently explore your identity without pressure.

The Question You Might Be Afraid to Ask… Am I in the closet.

everones a litle bit gay wondering am i in the closet

It always starts the same way.

Someone close to you — a friend, a cousin, a favorite creator — posts something like:

“Just wanted to say I’m gay/trans/bi/queer. Thanks for the love.”

And instead of feeling happy for them, your stomach drops.
You’re not mad, but something feels… off.
You feel jealous.
You feel weird.
You feel like your brain just downloaded a file it’s not ready to open yet.

And then, like a whisper:
“Wait. Am I in the closet?”

If that phrase made your chest tighten even a little, take a breath.
You’re not alone.
You’re not behind.
You’re just… curious. And that’s okay.

This isn’t an article full of pressure to label yourself.
It’s a quiet space to sit with the discomfort, poke at the edges of your identity, and ask the question that keeps echoing in your head.

Let’s talk about closeted sexuality, what it really means, and how to navigate the chaos of self-awareness without having to “figure it all out.”

🧠 What Does “Am I in the closet” Actually Mean?

Before we spiral, let’s define this a little more softly.

Being “in the closet” means you’re not fully out to others (or yourself) about your sexual or gender identity.

But it’s more than that.

It’s:

Denying crushes or attraction even to yourself
Avoiding queer content that hits too close to home
Flinching when others talk about LGBTQ+ topics
Feeling like other people’s queerness stirs something in you you can’t name

Being closeted doesn’t always mean lying.
Sometimes, it just means hiding from a truth that’s trying to surface.

Closeted sexuality can take years to unpack — and that’s okay.
It doesn’t mean you’re fake. It means you’re protecting yourself until you’re ready.

🔍 Why Do I Get Jealous When Other People Come Out?

gay friend group at am i in the closet protest

Let’s be brutally honest for a sec:
Sometimes when someone comes out, instead of joy, we feel a little… sick. Angry. Sad. Confused. Jealous.

That doesn’t make you a bad person.
It might just mean you’re looking at a version of yourself you’re not ready to be yet.

“Why them, not me?”
“Why do they get to live freely and I feel stuck?”
“Why am I crying over someone else’s Instagram caption?”

These are major clues that you might still be closeted — even from yourself.

🧠 Am I in the closet challenge:

Whose coming out story made you emotional?
What exactly did you feel — and what memory or fear did it pull up?
Is it possible you’re grieving a part of yourself you’ve buried?

This is the quiet work of queerness: not just discovering who you are, but mourning who you pretended to be.

🚩 Subtle Signs You Might Be In the Closet

Not everyone has a big “I think I’m gay” epiphany.
Some of us get a slow-burn sense of something not fitting — years of micro-signals we brushed off.

Here are some quiet signs to look for:

💬 Things You Might Be Thinking:

“I’m straight, but I really admire her…”
“I wouldn’t date a guy, but if I did, it’d be someone like him.”
“I’m not gay, I just don’t like sex with the opposite gender.”
“I don’t want to be them, I just… want to feel what they feel.”
Or just simply “Am I in the closet..?”

🧭 Behaviors That Might Be Telling:

Obsessively reading “am I gay?” or “am I in the closet” forums (👋 hi)
Daydreaming about queer relationships but brushing it off
Feeling weirdly guilty watching LGBTQ+ media
Avoiding queer friends or spaces that “stir something”

Not all of these mean you’re queer — but they’re often breadcrumbs.
Clues that your identity might be more nuanced than the one you were handed.

🧷 Journal Questions to Help You Understand Yourself

If you’re overwhelmed and spiraling (been there), journaling is one of the safest ways to process without performing for anyone. If you truly are wondering Am I in the closet try the challenge below!

Try these:

✍️ Self-Exploration Challenge:

Who were your earliest same-gender crushes — even if you didn’t call them that?
What kinds of relationships or experiences make you feel curious, warm, or seen?
When someone comes out, do you feel admiration? Jealousy? Sadness? Why?
Do you fantasize about intimacy with people of different genders than you’ve dated?
If no one judged you and you could start over — who would you want to be?
Have you ever had intrusive thoughts wondering “am I bisexual or gay?” “am I in the closet?”

Let the answers be messy. You’re not writing your autobiography.
You’re just collecting evidence of you.

🪞 The Shame That Keeps Us Quiet (Especially If You’re a Late Bloomer)

Some of us realize we’re queer in high school.
Some of us realize at 28.
Some don’t figure it out until we’re 50.

There’s no prize for “earliest coming out.”
There’s only you, your truth, and your timing.

But if you feel embarrassed that you’re still asking “am I in the closet?” —
→ That’s internalized shame talking.

You were probably raised in a world that made queerness invisible.
Or punished. Or mocked.
You were handed a blueprint and told it was the only one.

So you built your life around it.
And now it doesn’t fit.

Unlearning is hard.
But it’s also beautiful.

You’re not late. You’re just starting at your pace.

🚪 How to Explore Without Coming Out (Yet)

Coming out is not a requirement for self-discovery. Even asking yourself “Am I in the closet” is just. form of self discovery.
You don’t have to make a big announcement to start being honest — even quietly — with yourself.

Here are ways to explore closeted sexuality without outing yourself:

🌱 Safe Exploration Tips:

Read queer fiction and see what hits you in the chest
Follow LGBTQ+ creators privately on social media
Write queer fanfiction, even under a pseudonym
Visualize a life where you date people you’re drawn to — regardless of gender
Join anonymous forums like r/askgaybros or r/actuallesbians
Take “am I gay” quizzes not for answers, but insight

Tip: This Reddit thread and this Quora post are great starting points to explore identity-related nuance without pressure.

You don’t owe anyone a label. You don’t even owe yourself one yet.
All you owe yourself is honesty.

🌈 “Am I in the Closet?” Quiz (Self-Assessment Style)

⚠️ Disclaimer: This isn’t a diagnostic tool. It’s just a self-guided reflection to help you spot patterns in your own thoughts, attractions, and reactions.

✅ Answer yes or no to the following:

Have you ever felt envious or emotional when someone else comes out?
Do you feel disconnected from romantic or sexual experiences you’ve had?
Do you daydream about relationships that don’t match your public identity?
Do you avoid LGBTQ+ media even though it intrigues you?
Have you used phrases like “I’m straight, but…” more than once?
Do you feel nervous or exposed reading this article (Am I in the closet)?

Results:

4+ yes answers → You may be experiencing closeted sexuality or questioning
1–3 yes answers → You may be exploring but not quite ready to unpack
0 yes answers → You might just be an ally or curious — still valid, still welcome

🔗 Trusted Resources

These links offer real insight from both lived experience and academic research:

🧶 Conclusion: You Don’t Need a Label to Be Real

If you’ve made it this far, that means something.

You’re not here because you’re bored.
You’re here because something inside you is whispering — or maybe screaming — that you need to explore something deeper.

Maybe you’re queer.
Maybe you’re questioning.
Maybe you’re simply someone who doesn’t fit the boxes handed to you.

Whatever it is, it’s valid.

You don’t need to come out.
You don’t need to be sure.
You just need to be honest — with yourself.

So, if you’re still wondering “am I in the closet?”
That question alone is brave.
Sit with it.
Befriend it.
Let it lead you to yourself — at your own pace.

💬 FAQ: Closeted Sexuality & Questioning Identity

1. What does “am I in the closet” really mean?
It means you might be hiding or unaware of your true sexual or gender identity — from others or from yourself.

2. Can I be in the closet and not even know it?
Absolutely. Many people repress or compartmentalize feelings until something cracks them open.

3. Does questioning mean I’m definitely not straight?
Not always. Questioning means you’re being honest enough to explore. That alone is brave.

4. Is it normal to feel jealous of people who come out?
Yes. It can point to repressed identity, grief, or a desire to be free like them.

5. I’m straight but I had one same-gender crush. Am I in the closet?
Not necessarily — but it’s worth reflecting on whether that attraction felt real or forced.

6. What if I feel more comfortable identifying as “queer” than labeling myself?
That’s valid. Labels are tools, not cages. Use what fits.

7. I’m scared to take an “am I gay test” or quiz. Why?
Because it might reflect something you’ve been avoiding. That fear is information.

8. Is closeted sexuality tied to trauma or upbringing?
Often, yes. Religious trauma, cultural expectations, or fear of rejection all play a role.

9. Can straight people have “gay thoughts” and still be straight?
Yes, especially during curiosity, experimentation, or fluid self-development.

10. How do I explore without risking being outed?
Use anonymous forums, journal, follow queer creators privately, and talk to trusted allies.

11. I’m scared it’s “too late” to come out. Is it?
Never. You’re not late — you’re on your own timeline.

12. What if I never come out but still feel queer inside?
That’s still real. Your identity doesn’t have to be public to be valid.

👩‍💻 About ADHD Goat

ADHD Goat is a lived-experience mental health blog for the overwhelmed, the neurodivergent, and the question-askers. We write raw, honest content around ADHD, anxiety, identity, trauma, queerness, and the chaotic beauty of the human brain.

🖋️ About the Author

Jenny Mirah is anxious, ADHD as hell, and just barely keeping it together. She writes for people who spiral into late-night identity crises and want real answers from someone who gets it.
She’s not a therapist — just someone who’s been there.

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