Questioning your sexuality because you’re into femboys? You’re not alone. Here’s an honest, messy take on “am I gay for liking femboys” that explores attraction, identity, and all the weird stuff in between.

Have you been asking… Am I Gay for Liking Femboys

am i gay for liking femboys - femboy wearing mesh top — Image by Dasha Kartavtseva from Pixabay

I wish I could say I’ve never googled “am I gay for liking femboys” at 2AM, but that would be a lie. Actually, I’ve googled it more times than I can count — each time hoping the internet would spit back some absolute, unwavering answer so I could stop spiraling.

Spoiler: it didn’t.

Turns out, sexuality (and gender) isn’t some neat little multiple choice test. It’s more like rummaging through a chaotic junk drawer labeled “desire” and trying to figure out why you keep getting flustered over anime twinks or soft boys with eyeliner. If you’re here reading this, chances are your brain’s a similar cocktail of curiosity, confusion, and maybe a dash of existential panic.

So let’s unpack it together — awkward feelings, intrusive thoughts, and all.

🪞 The fear behind “am I gay for liking femboys?”

Honestly, a lot of why we even ask “am I gay for liking femboys?” is fear.
Fear of what it means. Fear of people judging us. Fear of being different from the story we’ve been telling ourselves.

I’ll be blunt: plenty of guys freak out over attraction to femboys because it challenges their identity. “Am I still a man if I like feminine guys?” “Will people call me gay if they find out?”

It’s so loaded. For a lot of us, especially if we grew up in heteronormative spaces, there’s a deep well of internalized shame around queerness — even if you’re totally accepting of other LGBTQ+ folks. It’s different when it’s your identity on the line.

And if you’ve got ADHD or an anxiety disorder like me?
Your brain can turn one random intrusive thought into a full-blown existential crisis, replaying it for weeks.

🌀 How ADHD overthinking makes this even messier

The ADHD brain is a master at:

hyper-focusing on something random (like this question)
researching it into oblivion
catastrophizing outcomes.

So instead of thinking “huh, I like femboys, interesting,” we spiral:

“What if I’m secretly gay and my whole life is a lie? What if that means my last relationship didn’t count? What if I wake up one day and realize I don’t like women at all? What if I have to start everything over?!”

Sound familiar? Because same.

Your brain is basically running a threat assessment on your entire identity over a single category of attraction. Which — when you say it out loud — is kind of hilarious. And human.

🧩 The cultural scripts that confuse everything

Let’s be real, society doesn’t exactly make this easy.
Most of us were taught:

“Guys like girls. Girls like guys.”
Masculinity = hard edges, deep voices, muscles.
Femininity = soft, nurturing, pretty.

So when you’re attracted to a guy who plays with gender expression — short skirts, thigh highs, delicate face — your brain doesn’t know where to file it. Is it like liking girls? Is it gay?

Truth: gender expression (how someone presents) and gender identity (what they are) are separate. Femboys still identify as male, so by classic definitions, if you’re a guy and you’re into them — there’s some same-sex attraction there. That doesn’t mean it invalidates your attraction to women or forces you into a label. It just means you’re more complex than “100% straight.”

🤔 Some playful self-check questions

Let’s make this interactive. Be radically honest — no one’s grading you.

When you think about kissing a femboy, how do you feel? Curious? Nervous but turned on? Grossed out?
Would you want to cuddle, hold hands, share memes at 2AM, or just… smash?
Is it only hot in porn or also IRL?
If you had a magic button to try dating a femboy for a month with no social fallout, would you press it?
Do you feel relieved by the idea of being bi/pan because it explains your attraction — or terrified?

None of these decide your identity. They just give you data.

💬 The beauty (and chaos) of fluidity

Here’s something that changed my life when I heard it:

Your attractions are allowed to change.
Your labels are allowed to change.
You’re allowed to explore, stop, come back to it, get confused again, and start over.

You could be mostly straight your whole life, then meet one guy who flips your world. Or you could think you’re bi for years, then realize you’re just deeply into femme-presenting people regardless of gender. Or maybe you’ll never have a neat answer. That’s still valid.

Sexuality is less like a fixed compass and more like a lava lamp — constantly shifting blobs of color that look different depending on the angle.

✅ Tiny checklist of “okay, so what now?”

If you’ve read this far, here’s your gentle homework:

✅ Let yourself daydream without labels. Who shows up?
✅ Talk about it with a friend who won’t judge.
✅ Read stories or watch content by people who like femboys. Notice what resonates.
✅ Remember you don’t owe anyone a definition, not even yourself.

🪡 A personal note on shame

I used to beat myself up for even thinking about guys, or for replaying scenes with soft, pretty boys in my head. I’d overanalyze it to death.

“Does this mean my past relationships were fake? Am I broken? Is my brain lying to me?”

Eventually I realized: the only thing that wasn’t real was the shame. The attraction? That was always real. The confusion? Also real. And sometimes a little confusion is way more honest than forcing yourself into a box.

Why do so many of us with ADHD, neurodivergence, or just generally overthinking tendencies latch onto questions like “am I gay for liking femboys?” and obsess over the label?

Because uncertainty is uncomfortable. Our brains crave categories. It feels safer to know if we’re “gay,” “straight,” “bi,” or “some weird combo with no label.” And femboys? They shatter neat categories.

They’re effeminate but still often identify as male. They can have soft bodies, wear skirts, do makeup — all the coded signals we’re taught belong to femininity. When you’re attracted to that, your brain tries to slot it somewhere:

“Is this basically the same as liking girls?”
“Is this totally gay?”
“Am I just bi and didn’t realize?”
“Or is gender expression separate from gender itself?”

See how fast that gets messy?

🧠 The f***ed overthinking spiral

If you’re anything like me, this one question has probably triggered hours of internal debate:

“Okay but if I only like feminine guys, does that mean I’m bi? Or am I just attracted to femininity regardless of gender? Or am I actually gay and I’ve been in denial this whole time?”

Then there’s the intrusive thoughts, which ADHD brains love to drop in at the worst moments:

“What if I’m living a lie?”
“What if everyone else knows before I do?”
“What if liking femboys means I’ll eventually stop liking women?”

Guess what? It’s normal to spiral. It’s also normal to question. Your attraction doesn’t need to obey clean lines — it’s literally wired to be chaotic because humans are chaotic.

💖 So… am I gay for liking femboys?

Short answer?
👉 Maybe. Maybe not.
Long answer?
It depends on what about them attracts you, how you feel about actual men in general, and what “gay” even means to you.

Let’s break it down:

✅ If you’re mostly straight but femboys light a spark…

It could just be that you’re drawn to femininity, softness, or androgyny. Femboys offer that blend — delicate features, expressive clothing, playful vibes — while still being guys. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay. It might just mean your attraction isn’t tied strictly to binary gender roles.

✅ If you find yourself daydreaming about dating or being romantic with men…

Then you might be on the bi, pan, or gay spectrum. Because it’s not just aesthetic appreciation; it’s wanting emotional + physical intimacy. That still doesn’t lock you into one label.

✅ If it’s purely physical

Some people find femboys hot in a porn scenario but have zero interest in actual romantic involvement with guys. That could still fit under a kink, fetish, or niche fantasy without changing your broader sexual orientation.

🔥 Open-ended questions to poke your brain

Try asking yourself these without judgment. Journal it, voice note it, or pace around your room whispering into the void (my personal method).

When I picture a future partner, what do I imagine — not just physically, but emotionally?
Could I see myself cuddling, holding hands, going on dates with a guy who’s like a femboy?
Would I be excited or nervous (but still interested) to be intimate with a femboy?
Is it their femininity that draws me in, or something else?
Would I still be into them if they dressed or acted more traditionally masculine?
How do I feel watching romantic scenes with two men? Does it spark anything different?
Am I trying to talk myself out of liking them because I’m scared of what it means?

No right or wrong answers. Just data for your own self-map.

🎯 Why labels can be both helpful and harmful

Here’s the truth: sexuality is weird. Humans don’t fit into tidy boxes.

Labels like gay, straight, bi, pan — they’re helpful for building community and finding people who get you. They’re also helpful for reducing anxiety because they give you a story to tell yourself:

“I like femboys. I’m probably bi. That’s my framework.”

But they can also be limiting. You might spend years trying to force yourself into a label that doesn’t quite fit, just to silence the ambiguity.
I spent months telling myself I was “definitely straight, I just appreciate pretty boys,” only to realize later… there’s a lot more nuance in what I want.

🔚 Conclusion: so… are you gay for liking femboys?

Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe you’re something else entirely, or you’ll figure it out years from now, or maybe you won’t ever have a perfect label. And that’s not just okay — it’s human.

The real gift is learning to sit with it. To be curious without judgment. To get a little turned on, a little confused, a little delighted by what your brain likes — and to accept that’s part of who you are.

Life’s way too short to run from what excites you.
So if femboys light up your dopamine circuits? Congratulations. That’s just another piece of your weird, wonderful mosaic.

❓ FAQ: 12 brutally honest answers about liking femboys

1. Does liking femboys mean I’m gay?

Not necessarily. Femboys are still guys, so by classic logic, yes, there’s same-sex attraction. But it might be more about femininity, androgyny, or something else entirely. Labels help some people; they box in others.

2. What if it’s only in porn?

Plenty of people have kinks that don’t translate into real life. If you wouldn’t date or hook up with a guy IRL, it could just be a fantasy. Doesn’t make it less valid — it’s just different from lived orientation.

3. Will I stop liking girls if I keep watching femboy content?

No. That’s not how sexuality works. If you’re straight or bi or something else, you’ll still find other types of people attractive. Watching certain content doesn’t overwrite your entire wiring.

4. Does this mean I’m bi?

Maybe! If you’re romantically or sexually open to guys (or just femboys), bi could fit. Or pan. Or queer. Or “I don’t know and that’s fine.”

5. What if I’m just attracted to femininity?

Then that’s your thing. Some people’s orientation is heavily tied to gender expression, not gender identity. You might like the soft, delicate energy femboys give off.

6. What if I want to date a femboy but only as a one-off?

Cool. That might mean you’re experimenting. Attraction isn’t a lifelong contract. You can try, learn, pivot.

7. Could it be fetishization?

It’s only fetishizing if you reduce someone entirely to a trope. Wanting a real relationship, respecting them as people, and not seeing them as just a kink is the difference.

8. Why am I scared to admit this?

Probably cultural shame. Or internalized homophobia. Or fear of change. Or just… being human. Attraction can feel threatening to your old identity story.

9. What if my friends or family judge me?

They might. That sucks, but it’s also their baggage. You’re allowed to exist exactly as you are, without editing for someone else’s comfort.

10. How do I explore this safely?

Watch content, read stories, join online spaces. Maybe talk to a therapist who’s LGBTQ+ competent. Or date gently, with honesty. There’s no rush.

11. Can ADHD make me obsess over this?

100000%. ADHD brains hyper-fixate on anything identity-related because it feels urgent, risky, and important. It doesn’t always mean the conclusion is as intense as the thought loop.

12. Is it okay if I never figure it out?

Hell yes. You don’t have to solve yourself like a math problem. You’re allowed to just be.

✍️ About ADHD Goat

ADHD Goat is a messy little corner of the internet run by me, Jenny Mirah — a neurodivergent, anxious, chronically overwhelmed human somehow still functioning (mostly). I write about ADHD, mental health, identity crises, and the bizarre stuff our brains latch onto at 3AM.

If you want more unfiltered takes, you can check out my story here.

Got your own weird rabbit hole about attraction, ADHD, or something else your brain won’t shut up about?
Submit an article and let’s make the internet feel a little less lonely.

Other Resources

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Am I Gay for Liking Femboys? Tool on itch

Am I Gay for Liking Femboys? The Messy, Hilarious, Eye-Opening Truth