Wondering “why do I only like girls in fiction?” You’re not alone. This deep-dive explores crushes on fictional women, compulsory heterosexuality, and what it might say about your real-life sexuality.
💬The Fictional Girl Who Broke You
There’s this moment a lot of us remember.
Maybe it was Shego from Kim Possible. Or Raven from Teen Titans. Maybe it was a fanfic version of Hermione who was a little meaner, a little gayer, a little more magnetic than she ever got to be in canon.
You found yourself weirdly obsessed.
Watching the same episodes.
Reading the same chapters.
Writing the same fanfiction.
Telling yourself it wasn’t that deep… but also never quite getting over her.
And then, like clockwork:
“Why do I only like girls in fiction?”
“Does this count as being gay?”
“Am I actually straight… or am I faking it?”
Let’s talk about it.
For real this time.
Table of Contents
📺 Why Fictional Women Feel Safer
Attraction to fictional women isn’t fake.
It’s not “less real” just because it’s directed at a character in a story.
In fact, for a lot of queer women (and femmes who are questioning), fictional girls are the first people we ever feel safe enough to like.
Why?
Because:
- They can’t reject you
- They can’t judge you
- You control the narrative
- The world around you won’t see it and start treating you differently
Real-life attraction feels dangerous when you’ve grown up around:
- Strict gender roles
- Internalized homophobia
- “Boys will be boys” dating culture
- Religious or cultural shame
In fiction, you get the spark… without the fear.
🎯 The Role of Compulsory Heterosexuality
Here’s a term that changed my entire life:
Compulsory Heterosexuality.
Coined by lesbian poet and activist Adrienne Rich, it refers to the social conditioning that assumes heterosexuality is the default — and forces people (especially women) to believe they must be attracted to men.
So even if you’re not really into guys, you might:
- Crush on emotionally unavailable men (so it never has to be real)
- Confuse admiration with attraction
- Stay in relationships out of obligation
- Feel physically numb or emotionally checked out during intimacy
- Write endless stories about fictional women that feel more real than your own life
Comphet convinces you that being straight is “just how it is.”
Until one day… it doesn’t feel true anymore.
Wondering “am I actually straight?”
is the moment comphet starts to crack.
🧠 The “Fictional Crush” Checklist
You might be drawn to fictional women if:
✅ You romanticize emotional intensity or danger in female characters
✅ You feel seen when they break rules or defy gender roles
✅ You project your real-life desires onto them
✅ You crave softness or safety that you don’t associate with men
✅ You’ve never felt this way about real men — and it bugs you
✅ You catch yourself asking “Am I faking being gay?”
Newsflash: you’re not faking anything.
You’re reacting to what feels real, even if it only exists in stories — for now.
✨ “But I Like Real Guys Too… I Think?”
This is where it gets messy. And confusing. And so deeply relatable.
You might like men, but only:
- In theory
- From afar
- When they act like fictional characters
- When you’re drunk
- When you feel like you’re supposed to
That doesn’t mean you’re lying.
That doesn’t mean you’re straight either.
You might be:
- Bisexual
- Lesbian with compulsory attraction
- Queer and still figuring it out
- Graysexual or demisexual
Labels don’t always fit in the middle of the journey.
That’s okay.
“Why do I only like girls in fiction?”
might be the first honest question you’ve asked yourself in a long time.
📝 Journaling Prompts If You’re Questioning Your Sexuality
Writing things out can help you bypass the mental noise and access deeper truths. Try these:
- When I imagine being with a man vs. a woman, how does my body react?
- Have I ever crushed on a guy just because I wanted him to like me?
- Do I fantasize more about women — emotionally, romantically, or sexually?
- What do I envy or admire about openly queer people?
- How do I feel when fictional women show softness or power?
- Have I ever had a real-life female connection that felt electric, even if I didn’t name it?
There are no right answers.
Only honest ones.
🌱 Attraction vs. Admiration vs. Projection
One reason this topic is so confusing is because we confuse:
- Admiration (“I want to be her”)
- Projection (“I want to feel how she makes others feel”)
- Attraction (“I want her”)
Here’s a breakdown:
| 🔍 Thought | Likely Emotion | What It Could Mean |
|---|---|---|
| “She’s so cool, I wish I was like her” | Admiration | Possibly identity envy |
| “I want her to notice me” | Attraction | Likely real crush |
| “I get jealous when others flirt with her” | Desire / Possession | Queer attraction or insecurity |
| “I can’t stop thinking about her dynamic with [another girl]” | Obsession / Projection | Emotional resonance |
| “I want to be the one she falls for” | Fantasizing | You’re not just admiring her — you’re seeing yourself with her |
If you keep finding yourself identifying more with fictional girl-on-girl intimacy, that’s something to lean into, not push away.
🎯 Take This Self-Reflection Quiz
(This is not a diagnostic tool, just a guide.)
Ask yourself: Y/N
- I’ve had stronger feelings for fictional women than real-life men
- I’ve felt numb or disconnected during intimacy with men
- I only seem to “like” men who feel emotionally unavailable
- I’ve fantasized about being in a relationship with a woman
- I avoid exploring queer thoughts because it feels scary or “not real”
- I’ve said “I don’t really like her, I just think she’s cool”… a lot
- I worry I’m “faking it” even when I know it feels real
- I’ve consumed more WLW media than straight content without realizing
- I feel seen by queer characters in books, shows, or games
- I wonder if I’m just trying to “be different” or “fit in”
If you answered yes to 5+:
You’re not alone. This is so common for people dealing with internalized heteronormativity or queer confusion.
It doesn’t mean you’re definitely gay.
It means it’s safe — and probably helpful — to explore that possibility.
🔗 Resources That Helped Me
- The Lesbian Masterdoc — A widely shared guide that breaks down compulsory heterosexuality and queer questioning in simple language.
- Trevor Project: Am I Gay? — A soft, affirming explanation of sexual orientation from a trusted LGBTQ+ mental health organization.
- Planned Parenthood: All About Sexual Orientation — A neutral and informative breakdown of identity and attraction.
These aren’t quizzes to label you — they’re mirrors to help you reflect back what’s already inside.
📺 Queer Media Recs for the Soft Awakening
Let yourself lean in — not just to the attraction, but the curiosity, the softness, the emotions.
Shows/Movies:
- Portrait of a Lady on Fire
- The Owl House
- First Kill
- Feel Good
- The Half of It
Books:
- Her Name in the Sky by Kelly Quindlen
- One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston
- The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth
These stories aren’t just “queer content.”
They’re ways of seeing yourself for the first time — and realizing you’re not weird for feeling this way.
💌 Conclusion: You’re Not Imagining It
If you’ve been wondering “why do I only like girls in fiction?” — that question in itself already says something powerful:
You’re listening to your feelings.
You’re noticing patterns.
You’re asking the deeper questions.
Whether you’re straight, bi, lesbian, fluid, or just questioning — your attraction to fictional women is valid. It’s not “just a phase” or “just a fantasy.” It’s a clue. A whisper. A part of you that’s tired of being hidden under layers of cultural noise.
Let it speak.
You don’t need a label. You don’t need a timeline.
You just need permission to be curious — and that permission is yours now.
❓ FAQ: Why Do I Only Like Girls in Fiction?
1. Is liking fictional girls the same as being gay?
Not necessarily — but it could be a sign you’re queer or questioning.
2. What is compulsory heterosexuality?
The social pressure that makes everyone — especially women — feel like they should like men, even if they don’t.
3. Can straight girls have crushes on fictional women?
Yes, but if it’s a pattern that causes confusion, it’s worth exploring further.
4. How do I tell the difference between admiration and attraction?
Ask yourself: Would I want to be close to her? Flirt with her? Kiss her? That’s not just admiration.
5. Am I faking it if I never had a real crush on a girl?
No. Many people realize they’re queer after years of only fictional or fantasy attraction.
6. Why does real-life attraction feel less intense?
Because real life has fear, shame, and risk. Fiction doesn’t.
7. I like men too — am I still valid?
Yes. You might be bisexual, pansexual, or fluid. Sexuality isn’t either/or.
8. I’m scared I’m doing this for attention. What if I’m wrong?
That fear is common. But questioning your identity thoughtfully is not attention-seeking. It’s self-discovery.
9. What if I relate to this, but still don’t feel “gay enough”?
There’s no gay meter. If this resonates with you, it matters. You belong.
10. Why do I feel sad or jealous when others come out?
That’s often a sign you’re holding something back in yourself.
11. Is it okay to not have an answer yet?
Yes. Confusion is part of the process. You’re allowed to not know.
12. What should I do now?
Keep exploring. Follow your feelings. Maybe talk to someone you trust or journal more. You’re on the right path.
✍️ About ADHD Goat
ADHD Goat is a blog where neurodivergent chaos meets unfiltered honesty. We talk ADHD, anxiety, identity, queerness, and all the messy in-betweens — through real stories, not clinical jargon.
🧠 About the Author
Hi, I’m Jenny Mirah — anxious, neurodivergent, emotionally overwhelmed, and somehow still here. I live with ADHD and an overthinking brain that won’t quit, so I started writing the things I wish I’d read when I was spiraling. This blog is that — for all of us trying to make sense of the noise.
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